We’re all about self growth these days. Personal development, self work, examining and checking in with ourselves, therapy. You name it, there is a trend for it. It’s great. That wasn’t sarcastic. It really is great. Great, but also, misunderstood.

People tend to associate the phrases ‘self perfection’ or ‘self work’ with a maddening dash to get things done. Now. Immediately. Yesterday. What are you waiting for? Ain’t nobody got time for this! The time is now to be your best self, or else.

And yet….

Ever notice how, at some point on your harrowing journey to become the ultimate, highest version of yourself, everything seems to crumble to the ground, leaving you with empty, unfulfillable resolutions? That ultimate version of yourself doesn’t seem as exciting if you find yourself face down.

What if self work was less of a furious leap to an unforeseeable finish line, but rather, a slow, thought out, lifetime process?

Today’s definition of self work is comparable to getting on a yoga mat for the first time, and immediately expecting yourself to turn into Elastigirl. It takes time, practice, years of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and shattering your limitations one pose at a time.

Here’s the thing that no one tells you about self work, or rather, one that no one—myself included—wants to admit: It’s meant to be an internal process. It’s really great if you want to work on yourself. The only constant in life is changing, and who are we to rebel against the flow, right? In order to truly change and transform yourself, it has to come from the inside, out.

Gee, if only there was a book, a how to guide or something to help us with this cause…oh, wait.

Yud Tes Kislev (The 19th of the Hebrew month of Kislev, which fell out yesterday) commemorates the Alter Rebbe’s release from prison, and the release of the Tanya, the first and most fundamental book of Chassidic philosophy. It has been nicknamed the ‘one size fits all guide to life’ and rightfully so. On this day, Chabad Chassidus was born, and our lifetime of work as Chassidim began.

We’ve all tried to follow instruction manuals before. I’ve read countless self help books (the number is almost embarrassing at this point), and while I have come away with helpful lessons and tools, I did not find myself applying said lessons and tools into my everyday life, leaving me with a shelf full of empty promises and an unchanged life.

Tanya is the original, all inclusive guide to self help and self examination. And, like other methods of growth, it is not a band aid. It’s a toolkit, not a temporary solution.

I’ll be honest: I didn’t understand the big hype about Yud Tes Kislev and the Tanya. I was first introduced to these concepts when I was 15, an age where I truly believed I knew everything I had to know about life (ha!), and that anything I needed to know, I could learn from Harry Potter (more on that another time).

When my Judaics teacher sat us down a week before Yud Tes Kislev to explain all of the concepts to us, they went right over my naive little head. Benoni? Tzadik? Rasha? HUH? These things had nothing to do with me. I wasn’t looking to be transformed; I was looking for a quick fix, something that offered overnight solutions, like Amazon Prime shipping.

Growth. Takes. Time.

How much time does it take?

A lifetime.

Now, before you run away screaming in horror at the thought of spending your entire life working towards becoming a better you, ask yourself: What would you rather be doing with that time?

Exactly.

The Chabad custom is to recite and learn Tanya everyday. The cycle begins on Yud Tes Kislev, and takes a year. And every year, we start from the beginning. Every year, on Yud Tes Kislev, when I break open my Tanya and get comfy for the ride ahead, I become newly aware of pattern: the Tanya does not begin with the learning of the Tanya. It begins with a title page, and approbations. We don’t get to jump into the meaty self work until three days into the learning cycle!

What gives?!

Go back to your mental yoga class for a moment, if you will. What happens first? Do you leap onto the mat, strike a fierce Warrior II and kick off into a standing pretzel? No. You begin by warming up your body, preparing yourself, figuratively sprinting to prepare for the leap ahead.

These steps are integral to the success of your growth. So too when it comes to matters of spirituality and soul work. You can’t jump in place and expect to reach the sky. More than anything, Tanya teaches us how to take our time, and not rush through the process of self refinement.

Now that you’ve perfected your external stretches, let’s get started on the spiritual ones.

Exhale…and begin.