“If I am not for myself, who is for me? When I am for myself, what am I? If not now, when?”
Ethics of Our Fathers, 1:14
Oh, friends. It’s been a minute. Spring has turned to Summer, and suddenly, here we are in August. It’s been a season of introspection and internal growth, and now, we’re back together again. The time I spent away from the project has given me a moment to focus on the lessons I needed the answers to—which, I believe, are secretly the lessons you’ve all been waiting to learn too. So, let us begin. With a definition, of course.
Permission:“Consent; authorization.”
Do you ever find yourself walking around, waiting for something—anything—to give you permission to step forward into the things you want (or, rather, choose)? Do you feel stuck in limbo, waiting for the world to give you permission to exist? Why do we do that? We’re all strong, capable people. We all (should) know our worth. We all want to be seen and heard and make a difference with the time we have on this beautiful earth.
So, what gives?
Why does it feel like we’re waiting around for someone to tell us to GO?
Our lives are made up of layers of experience. The way we think and who we are change shape, and the way we interact with the world changes with it. On one hand, it’s easy to believe that we cared less about ‘permission’ when we were children, but I don’t think that’s true. Our society has conditioned us to come into our own with the weight of other people’s expectations holding us down. It’s not fair, but there it is.
There is beauty in accumulating experiences that shape who we are, but there is also a danger. The layers become dangerous when we cloak ourselves over and over until we no longer recognize who we are or who we want to be. It is in those moments that we hand over the responsibility to other people. You wouldn’t hand over your car keys to someone who doesn’t know how to drive, right? Why would you hand over your essence?
It might not always appear as dramatic as that. We’re an interconnected society that relies heavily on the voices and opinions of our networks. There’s nothing wrong with that. We all need each other. But, we can’t need each other to the point where our own voices disappear. Once we’ve taken that step, we risk losing our own voices for good.
We don’t want that to happen, do we?
Do you know what your own voice sounds like? I’m not talking about the sound of your voice, though if its been a hot minute since you’ve used it, say something out loud. Remind yourself that you’re there. I’ll wait.
So, what does it look like, this real voice of yours? Your inner voice. The spark of wisdom you were born with. We were all created in G-d’s image. That includes a higher sense of awareness.
Okay, you have an inner voice. Now, how do you find it? Once you find it, what should you use it for?
Your voice is totally your own, as is your mission in this world. I can’t tell you what to do. But, I can offer some insight on how to find it.
It starts with a list. This list encompasses everything creative, spiritual, mundane. This could mean anything. It doesn’t matter what your religious practices or beliefs are. At our core, we’re all spiritual beings. This is a spiritual exercise.
Before you make the list, turn your phone off. No instagram, no music in the background. It’s best if you write this list out with a pen and paper—colored and scented, if you prefer. You must quiet the outside world first. It’s often the hardest and most necessary step.
Split the paper into two columns: Creativity and Spirituality.
Why creativity and spirituality? They offer unique problem solving tools. You may not know what your inner voice sounds like, but you’ve probably experienced a version of it in these two categories before.
On each side of the page, write down five things that have helped you connect to your inner, deepest source. If you’ve never experienced anything like that before, but would like to, jot down the things that you imagine would help you experience those feelings.
My list looks like writing, dancing, and playing piano on the creativity side, and praying, giving charity, and singing on the spirituality side. Notice how these lists could be interchangeable?These are the places I turn to when I need to listen to my own voice. They give me permission to be free, silly, open. Sometimes it’s as simple as shutting up and listening—my voice comes to me right away. Other times, it’s harder to tune out the weight of the world. When I am lost, I turn to my list and find that my voice is waiting there for me.
This is a public service announcement: Stop waiting for someone else to give you permission to exist. You’re here. That’s all the permission you need. Now, go be!
Don’t wait for the “right moment” to find it. That’s an illusion, a myth. (If you need more than this list, follow in the steps of Brene Brown, and carry permission slips that you’ve written for yourself in your pocket. Seriously, it makes a difference.)
Don’t wait on the world to give you permission. You’ll wait forever. Your voice is waiting to be heard. It starts with peeling back the layers you’ve hidden behind and finding the spark within.
I stopped waiting for permission, and it has made all the difference.
Onwards.