Friends:
I can’t believe it. We made it to the end of another (Jewish) year. How did we do it? I’ll tell you… I don’t know.
In preparation for Rosh Hashana, we’re going to do a two-part deep dive into the cumulative experience of ending one year and starting off another. Today, we’ll dig into taking stock. Next week, we’ll dive into how to create real and meaningful change. It’s going to require a lot of work… maybe some heavy emotional lifting and a tantrum or two. But, we can do it. If we’ve made it this far–if we’ve gotten curious time and time again, then it means that we’re willing to show up to the work required to live our best lives. At least, that’s my hope. So, let’s get started.
Taking Stock. What’s it all about?
First, a definition: To review or make an overall assessment of a particular situation.
The Hebrew term for taking stock is Cheshon Nefesh (accounting of the soul). The Jewish month of Elul, the final month of the Jewish calendar, is generally considered a time to look back and reflect on the past year. Some people do that by looking through photographs and documents; others take time to account for their financial losses and gains. Some do it by writing or looking back on old journals. Some do that by using prayer as a reflection. Pick your jam.
Anyway you slice it, looking back on an entire year’s worth of opportunities, mistakes, and accomplishments can be really, really overwhelming. And sometimes, it just plain sucks, especially if you haven’t had a ‘great’ year.
When you’re thriving, everything is easier to look back on. When you’re on top of the world, when things are good, taking stock is a little bit sweeter.
But, what if you’re not thriving? What if you’re in survival mode? How do you face a year’s worth of memories when all you can see is your ability to hardly stay afloat?
We put a lot of emphasis on the idea of thriving VERSUS surviving. You’re not living your best life until you’re thriving. We try to make it look easy to thrive–guess what? It’s not. But, everyone else is doing it, so then, why can’t we?
What does thriving mean, anyway? Its definitions are endless. To one person, it could be that career break, or more money in the bank than they’ve ever had before. To another, it could be being around family, everyone healthy and in good spirits.
Thriving is relative. So is surviving. We make these distinctions that life has to be one way or the other. We know that it doesn’t work that way, but it feels easier when we categorize our lives in terms of good or bad.
We’re not always going to be either thriving or surviving.
Let’s throw in a little psychology to help us out.
Meet Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:
Note that this pyramid doesn’t account for spiritual needs, which some may deem as basic needs, and others may deem as self-fulfillment needs. You pick. Personally, spiritual needs fall into my basic needs of safety. Maybe they fall into another category for you. To each their own.
When we look back and take stock of our year, it’s really easy to look at the highest point of the pyramid and immediately feel low about the type of year that we’ve had. When it seems like other people in our lives are tapping into their highest potential, living their dreams, on top of the world, it’s all we can do to look back at our own lives with shame.
Let’s get real. Most of us dangle between these different levels at different points in time. I, for one, spent a solid portion of this year hanging out at the first two levels. For someone who likes to have everything figured out, it was tough to wrap my head around the idea of taking thirty steps back to reinvest in my physiological needs. I felt upset by this. Ashamed. Look at how far everyone else is going, and look at where I am.
Ya know what? We can’t always be at the top of the ladder (or pyramid, in this case). And that’s okay.
Change requires that we sometimes let go of our ‘higher’ needs to solidify basic necessities. If you’re not sleeping at night, or if you’re moving from place to place, or if your health, G-d forbid, isn’t great, you can’t expect your potential to be high on your to do list. And yes, it is possible to jump around this pyramid and hit different needs at different times.
If your foundational needs are not being met, how can you expect other things to fall into place?
Survival mode isn’t enjoyable–I know. It sucks. It’s the worst, and some days, it feels like survival mode will be the only thing you ever live with. When I’m in survival mode, I fall into a pattern of believing that I will never get out. We do the same when we’re thriving: It’s impossible to believe that things will ever be any different.
But they will be. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much. But either way, these moments are here to shape you.
So, say you’ve had a survival mode year. How do you take stock without beating yourself down?
- Stay in your own lane. Please, friends. Don’t look at how everyone else is doing, because in reality, you have no idea how everyone else is really doing.
- Acknowledge your own humanity. You’re doing the best you can with the tools that you have. Sometimes, those tools will suck. It’s okay. Your tools will improve with time, as will you.
- Acknowledge the power that G-d gave you to recognize where you’re at, and the tools that He gave you to move forward. If you have survival mode tunnel vision, look for pockets of light in your assessment. There will always be something good to look back on, something small to be grateful for that will help you find joy.
- Assess one month at a time. Don’t try to uncover everything all at once. You’ll give yourself a headache and heartache. Start with the beginning of last year, and comb through the months slowly.
It’s okay if you need to improve. It’s okay if everything wasn’t great. It’s okay if you didn’t realize your highest potential this year. Maybe you have a year’s worth of improvements to make. Great! Now you know where to begin.
When done right, a cheshbon nefesh should energize you, not deflate you. Taking stock can be a gratifying experience, as long as we recognize that it’s not about perfection, but about growth.
I still have a long way to go before I hit “self-actualization.” Maybe I’ll spend the rest of my life working my way up there. That used to terrify me: Why try if it’ll take forever? But, what else will I do with the one life I have?
Looking back will help make your path for the year ahead clearer. Don’t be afraid to dive in and make amends with the year you’ve had. Relish in the knowledge that you’ve made it this far.
You can do it. I believe in you.
Next week: How taking stock can (or should) lead to long term change.
Onward!